C’était il y a quelques années de cela, en avril 1999 exactement. Mon laboratoire m’avait envoyé en stage pendant 10 jours à la croix rouge américaine en banlieue de Washington DC. Ma chambre de fauché était tout près de Dupont Circle. Je la partageais avec d’autres personnes aussi fauchées que moi: un Sud-Americain et un Egyptien. Le soir, je m’emmerdais, même si le quartier était plutôt sympatique et ressemblait un peu au Village New-Yorkais. Il y avait malheureusement une réunion du genre G8 et helicoptères et FBI brouillaient les ondes radio et TV. Côté ciné, c’était le désert. Je me suis donc mis à fréquenter une charmante petite librairie-café ou j’ai pu acheter de nombreux bouquins dont de fameux ‘English as a second fucking language”.
Ce livre déborde d’expressions fabuleuses. Tout est en finesse, et j’adore cela. Il y a un chapitre sur le pet, notamment sur les SBD ou Silent but Deadly. Lors d’une conversation au bureau, je me suis mis à parler pour une raison inconnue de SBD et j’ai du trouver une documentation sur internet pour faire l’éducation de ma collègue. Je suis tombé sur un site encore plus gras que le livre…
The Fart List: “The Fart Name List The Alarm Fart – This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare. The Amplified Fart – This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions The Anticipated Fart – This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart. The Back Seat Fart – This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, ‘Who farted in the back seat?’ The Barn Owl Fart – A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It’s a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart. The Bathtub Fart – People who would never in”

C’est classe, non?